so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
