that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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