i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
