my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
