weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
