Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
