Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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