I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
