i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize