I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
