i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bring me that man meat
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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