why didn't you poke me back
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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