I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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