Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
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is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize