are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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