Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
