her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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