Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
