you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
