I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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