happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
