Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
