THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
