The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
