He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Houston, we have a squirter
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
