Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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