We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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