my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
