He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
