You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think my moral compass just broke
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
