You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
