It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
