Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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