That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
