If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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