i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
