I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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