I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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