the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?