so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
