Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
