Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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