Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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