Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
