dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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