I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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