I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.