My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
