If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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