thus making me awesome and them whores
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
