Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
