Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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