she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
