Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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