i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize