How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
