I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
