Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
