i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
40s are totally the cure
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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