Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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