Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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