Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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